January 2012
1 post
RT @michaellegge: Jesus fucking Christ: RT @GBarlowOffcial: I’m in a following mood my friends!! Retweet this & I will pick some of you …
December 2011
7 posts
Have another New Years Eve party with the kids, or go back in time for a lie down Pol Pot style. It’s a close call.
beat me on the bottom with a woman’s weekly.
RT @NikKershaw: Theo, my 18 month old son, just pointed to a picture of @howardjones and said “Daddy”.
Nothing embodies the Christmas spirit more than an email Christmas card off a recruiter.
Tried some carol singing last night. http://t.co/YjULzJXd
I’m hoping to kiss a cameltoe under the cameltoe. What a Christmas http://t.co/WSAl1qB9
Marvel at life on Frozen Janet http://t.co/cj9ojYlo . (Merry Christmas).
August 2011
6 posts
Some lessons bare reptition: http://t.co/M4h21iG
Knoll House, Studland, was like being in an upmarket old people’s home. I liked it.
Stubbed my toe this morning, hurt like fuck, there was only one thing to do: I blamed the riots.
You knock on my front door. I let you in, then completely ignore you. This is how I run my linked in account.
All HD channels for £2? I’ll have some of that action Moses. #skynotvirgin
My libido has dipped so low @bedwoodfriends has started to take suppliments. http://instagr.am/p/J9qgN/
July 2011
10 posts
Economic downturn = Packed Costa coffee.
I was lucky enough to ask Proff Hawking how many people use peanut butter to get their pets to lick their genitals. “Lots” was his answer.
I went to _______ last night, you missed it, it was AMAZING. #tweettemplate
#;-)
I don’t know about you, but Tess Daley sporting a spunk moustache, puts me right off low fat milk.
“I’ve connected my IG to my G+ to my twitter to my FB to my YT, so I’m now boring as fuck in more places!”
Wife told me tonight that she’s finding me intensely annoying. I replied “a sphincter says what?”
“Give me the strength of 10 Morgan Freemans” http://instagr.am/p/G37um/
“If David’s toe would of been well” quite possibly the most embarrassing sentence that boxing has ever heard.
With all the gloom about pensions and rising life expectancy, my thoughts turn to the simple solution of Logan’s Run.
June 2011
1 post
England are crap, so Stan’s defected http://instagr.am/p/GrkbG/
May 2011
20 posts
Lily makes her first Rocky Dennis mask. So proud right now. http://instagr.am/p/E4spl/
Today, I was given a round of applause off an old couple. It was for my dazzling return of serve. The server was my 5yr old boy.
There’s an orange orchard at the Villa.In a couple of hours time Stan and I will be acting out Brando’s final scene in The Godfather.
One mustn’t one mustn’t one mustn’t one: and repeat.
Writing a banner.
RT @WayneRooney: @piersmorgan did u win 1 for most boring show of the year. Stop hanging on to me pls. I don’t want to know u. #cowellbu …
Drinking brandy, taking the piss out of my wife’s eyebrows. What a night.
RT @willrolls: Blimey, Gary Barlow’s bulked up a bit, hasn’t he? http://yfrog.com/h4d82bij
massive dreams, massive goals, massive desires, and massive CANS.
Holiday snap: Stan and the Goatse http://instagr.am/p/EMfUQ/
beat that RT @thekeithchegwin: Saw a film about a couple who bought haunted yoghurt ‘Paranormal Activia’
http://blabla.nfb.ca/
they’re trying to hard for another Baggs moment.
RT @TheEverliving: Cuz I told you http://youtu.be/TUxpG1YeHXg
The Winner of our inaugural Ginger Jacket. @fightingmachine http://instagr.am/p/D-L7M/
“I will give you eternal life” - USPs ain’t what they were.
£30 to run a farm virtually? For bugger all you can get http://beasttube.com/. Go figure.
Osama Bin Spammed. Been done by a dodgy link off a ‘friend’ on FB. The temptation: see the killing of OBL. The penny drop: WIN A 52” TV!
Officials confirm Osama’s final resting place is next to Goose.
RT @Aiannucci: Surely a Photoshop? http://t.co/LxIc6lm
April 2011
12 posts
Vicar’s
If it rains tomorrow it will be proof that God does not approve of this wedding.
Cuntess http://instagr.am/p/DoGPQ/
Champagne table tennis, sums up my game http://instagr.am/p/DiRlH/
RT @DaftLimmy: If you run out of bog roll, use a teaspoon to scrape the remains from your arse like you’re finishing off a jar of Nutella.